Mother Mary – part 2

Mary and baby Jesus

In the time we were away my father had died, and my mother had become older. We had been able to send the odd message back with various travellers, to say we were alive and well, so mother had kept our house and let a cousin live in it. We moved back in with them still there. It was a bit cramped with his family and animals as well as us. When Joseph had got his business going again, everyone set to, to find some land and build the cousin his own house, and then we were finally back in our own place again, on our own.

Joseph and I picked up the old life, that we had so briefly lived before having to go to Bethlehem. Our relationship had been forged through trial and tribulation. In Egypt, Joseph and I had only had each other to rely on to share the burden of Jesus care. Now we had a whole town, even if they didn’t know or understand who they had in their midst. In Egypt I had grown wary of people. We never knew quite who might be reporting what back to Herod. Now I had to get used to everyone knowing everything, well at least a lot about our lives. Jesus thrived in the company of his new friends, many of whom he was related to. They tumbled and ran and learned and worked in the fields and vineyards together, sharing the trials of growing up. My mother thrived again in his company. She of course was the only other person who knew who he was, although we never spoke about it. She and Jesus became very close. It was good to see.

When Jesus was twelve we decided that we would make another journey together, this time to take our Bar Mitzvah boy on pilgrimage, to the centre of the world, to Jerusalem, for the Passover. A group from Nazareth was going, so we packed up our donkey with food for the first few days, our cloaks to sleep in and Joseph’s tools, of course. On this journey Jesus was with a group of friends his own age, and they walked together talking and laughing and enjoying the unexpected release from the daily grind of work. We made good time, sleeping one night beside the road. On another we found a place in the courtyard of a caravansary. One village we passed allowed us to sleep in their synagogue, and they gave us bread for our pilgrimage journey.

At last we arrived in Jerusalem. Jesus was absolutely awestruck by the city. He could not remember Alexandria, and this was the largest city in our land. There are so many stone buildings, but particularly imposing are the Antonia Fortress, Herod’s Palace and of course the Temple. On the day of passover, the 14th day of Nissan, Joseph and Jesus went with the other men of the village to the Temple, one of them carrying the goat we had brought with us to be sacrificed and eaten that first night. I, with the other women, stayed behind to prepare the unleavened bread and bitter herbs which we would eat with the goat. The men were back in good time with the goat, and set about roasting it whole as the law proscribed. In the evening we gathered around the fire wearing our cloaks, with our staffs to hand and we sat and ate, consuming the whole goat before morning. In the morning the unbroken bones were taken to a pit dug in readiness by the city leaders, and thrown in to be buried. Each day for the next six days we all went to the Temple. One one day we took our offering of the first cut of our barley harvest and gave it to the Priests as a ritual offering. Joseph would take Jesus into the court of the Israelites, while I stayed in the Court of the Women with the women and young boys of our group. Jesus really entered into everything he saw, and asked us so many questions, many of which we could not answer. Then after seven days it was all over, and we had to return to Nazareth and reality again. Several people wanted to buy a few last minute items to take home, so we agreed to meet up at the Essene Gate a couple of hours after dawn.

We set off as a group, Joseph leading our donkey and us chatting with neighbours and friends as we walked. We thought that Jesus was with his friends at the front of the group, but when we stopped for the night, and we called for him to come and eat, he did not come. We questioned his friends, but no one had seen him all day. We questioned everyone, and no one had seen him since we had stepped outside the city gate. Joseph and I were paralysed with fear. This was our worst nightmare. We gathered up our belongings, packed up the bemused donkey and by the light of the moon and stars headed back to Jerusalem. We had absolutely no idea what could have happened to him. We thought he must have been injured, or arrested or kidnapped. When we got back we spent the next two days knocking on every door that we could see, asking if they had seen anything of Jesus. In desperation we eventually knocked on the door of the Antonia Fortress and were sent away with a flea in our ears. We enquired carefully at the kitchens of Herod’s Palace, but no one had seen him.

It never occurred to us in all that time to ask at the Temple, because we assumed that he had been forcibly taken or in an acident. Eventually when we could think of nothing else to do, we went to the Temple to pray and lay our failures before Yahweh, even though we knew he would already know that we had miserably failed him. And there Jesus was sitting on the steps of the colonnades in the Court of the Gentiles, with a group of learned men around him, talking and listening to what they had to say. Joseph and I ran up to where he was. Jesus lifted his head and saw us, and a big smile lit his face ‘Oh good, you have come at last. Is it time to go home then?’ We just looked at each other in total astonishment, after all the anguish we had been through.

I don’t think that Jesus ever fully realised what he had put us through those three days when we thought that we had lost him, lost Yahweh’s son. We tried talking to Jesus but all he kept saying was ‘Surely you must have known I would be in my Father’s house?’ And we just said no, we didn’t. We had begun to think by the end that he must surely be dead, but we held on to the feeling that this couldn’t be Yahweh’s purpose for him, to die unknown. But the sheer terror of failure weighed on us. I was reminded of the time when we presented Jesus in the Temple, when he was just a few days old. Simeon, an old man who lived in the Temple, blessed us, and prophesied that Jesus would be destined for the falling and rising of many in Israel. Just as he was about to turn away he looked me hard in the eyes and just said ‘And a sword will pierce your heart also’. If this was the sword then it is hard, but I think that this was just a test for us, for me.

Mother Mary – part 1

Mary and baby Jesus

I fell in love for the first time when Joseph handed Jesus to me, and I cradled him in my arms. I had not imagined that I could feel this way. The pregnancy and the birth had been so beset by problems, that I thought I might resent him. It was almost as if when I finally looked down at him, that we had already been on a journey together and had won through.

I had become pregnant after being visited by an angel, but Joseph, to whom I was already betrothed, knew it was not his. He told me later that it had been in his mind to set aside our betrothal, but he had been visited by an angel in a dream and had had his mind changed. Soon after this, I left Joseph for a while when I went to visit my cousin Elizabeth, only to discover that in her old age she too was expecting a baby, a baby promised by Yahweh. When I returned, Joseph and I were married quietly and we settled down to married life, only to have our preparations for the baby’s birth brutally interrupted by the calling of a census. This required everyone, no exceptions allowed, to return to their home town, which for us, as Joseph is of the house and lineage of the great King David, meant a long walk to the tiny town of Bethlehem in Judea. We made it, and there in a stable, as there was no room for us at the Inn, Jesus was born with help from the local midwife, watched over by our donkey and several cattle, sheep and goats.

But along with the love came a deep fear. I know from talking to other women that it is scary being presented with a tiny helpless baby, to look after and care for. Most of us have our mothers or other friends around to give help and advice, but neither Joseph nor I knew anyone in Bethlehem. I had to take what was told to me on trust, or had to just use instinct. Jesus seemed to know what he was doing, and mostly managed to latch on to feed without too much help. I was shown how to clean and change his swaddling clothes and how to rub him all over with olive oil and salt to keep him healthy, and I seemed to be able to keep him fed and comfortable. He was a very contented baby. But when I stopped doing the practical things and just sat there looking at him sleeping peacefully, then the real deep seated fear came upon me. I was looking after Yahweh’s child, I had been entrusted to keep him alive and safe. What would happen to me, to us, to Israel, if I failed. Sometimes the responsibility overwhelmed me.

I didn’t have long to just sit and worry, as a real threat presented itself in the form of King Herod. He tolerated no opposition to his rule, not even from his own sons. Anyone he even suspected of treachery towards him he had killed. We were visited by some very kindly wise men when we were still in Bethlehem. When they had admired Jesus, given him gifts, and had eaten and drunk with us, they told us that they had inadvertently told King Herod about Jesus. Now they had been warned in a dream to leave and return to their own country by another route. By the way, we should leave as soon as possible as well. As soon as they had gone to find beds for the night in a nearby Inn, Joseph and I had a quick conversation. When they returned in the morning to take their leave of us, we asked whether we could travel with them for a while. There is always safety in numbers, and they had armed servants with them in case of robbers on the roads. We parted with them when we met the main highway travelling south towards Egypt. Joseph had been told that there was a Jewish community in a place called Alexandria. We hoped we could find some shelter there among people who spoke our language.

Joseph always travelled with his basic carpentry tools, the ones he and his father had made together when he began to help in his father’s workshop. He was able to earn enough to support us through those years, and we were able to live in a house owned by a member of the Jewish community, in exchange for Joseph repairing it and keeping it in good shape. It came with a little land, so that we could grow at least some of our own food, rather than having to rely completely on exchanging Joseph’s labour for the basics of olives, dates, wheat or corn and the occasional beast for meat. Jesus grew up among the refugees and exiles of Israel. I kept hoping that this was the right thing for Yahweh’s son.

Then Herod died and it seemed right to return to Israel to my home town of Nazareth. If you have ever travelled with a small child you will know how wearing it is on the patience. He wanted to walk; he didn’t want to walk. He got quickly bored, hungry, thirsty. He wanted to sit on the donkey; it hurt sitting on the donkey and why couldn’t he go back and play with his friends again? We had several weeks on the road, travelling as quickly as we dared, picking up groups of travellers to share the journey with. Some of them were kind to us, and put Jesus up on their camels or horses to help move the pace along. Some tried to rob us, except that we only had Joseph’s tools, which weren’t of much use to them. The gifts the wise men had given us were long gone by then. Finally we recognised the turning off the road, and headed down the track to Nazareth, not knowing what our reception would be.

The Transfiguration – part 2

Elijah and Elisha

Suddenly the transfigured Rabbi turned and looked at me. He saw me. I made as if to hide back in the bush, but I slipped, was knocked back on my back and hit my head on a large stone. Suddenly all my world became white. In my white mist, I saw, the Patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I saw Moses in his basket, and the burning bush, and him on the mountain top holding his arms aloft as battle raged below. I saw kings and prophets parade before me, just as I had heard them spoken about in the synagogue. I saw Elijah and Elisha, and I saw the chariot of fire pulled by the horses of fire come to collect Elijah, I saw them, I saw them, like Elisha, and I whispered
‘Give me a double share of your spirit Elijah, give me enough to get up from this place, and go down the mountain and face the world again. Show me that my wife is alright. Tell her I am sorry that I slept while she died’

Then as I looked, I saw walking with the Rabbi, my wife, talking with him and smiling, whole and complete, the woman Yahweh had created her to be. I stared and stared and willed her to look at me, but she did not. But it did not matter to me, because I had seen her and she was happy, and that was all that mattered. When the pictures in front of me began to fade, I cried out wanting to hold on to them, to never let go, but my arms were being pulled, and I came back to reality with two of the men who had been kneeling, pulling me out from under the bush and thrusting me in front of the Rabbi.

He stood looking at me for a long while, seemingly seeing into my soul, then he sighed and moved to a large stone, where he sat down and motioned me to sit beside him. His friends seemed reluctant to let me go, but he just smiled and they let me go. I did as I was bid, and sat down beside him.
‘Do you know who I am?’ he asked,
‘No master’ I replied.
‘I am Jesus of Nazareth.’
I tried to get my poor befuddled brain working.
‘You are the Rabbi and teacher who preaches about the kingdom of God and heals the sick?’
Rabbi Jesus nodded,
‘I am. How much did you see just now?’
I turned eagerly to face him, ‘I saw my wife walking and talking with you. I saw everything from the patriarchs to the prophets and the kings. I saw Elijah being carried into heaven in a chariot and I asked for a double share of his spirit, as Elisha did when he saw him, and Yahweh granted me a sight of my wife and she was happy.’
And I burst into tears and sobbed and sobbed. Rabbi Jesus put his arms around me and held me as all the poison of the last few months ran out of me and into him. At last my sobbing ceased, and I eased back. I scrubbed my hand over my face. One of Rabbi Jesus’ friends held out a water bottle and I took a long healing drink. Over my head the four men consulted together.
‘What are we going to do with this man? You have asked us to say nothing about what we have seen this morning. What if this man tells what he has seen?’
Rabbi Jesus smiled at me.
‘I don’t think this man has seen what you have seen. I think Yahweh has granted him a much more precious gift, the gift of healing.’
He turned to me and said
‘What do you want to do now?’
I thought for a few minutes.
‘I have nothing to go back to, so will you take me with you? Can I join your group? Can I learn more about Yahweh? Will you teach me please? I’ll do anything you want. Please?’
Rabbi Jesus smiled at me.
‘My way is not an easy way, but you have shown strength and courage today, and Yahweh has blessed you. Come take my hand and follow me.’
He stood and held out his hand and drew me to my feet, and began to lead me towards the path leading down the mountain. It was only long afterwards that I remembered the wine skin I had had with me under the bush. I wonder what became of it?